Couples Who Work as a Team are the Most Likely to Be Healthy
It’s no surprise that America is suffering from an obesity epidemic. The struggle to lose weight and stay in shape is something that most people can relate to. Recently, UCLA researchers videotaped married couples talking to each other about their health, and they were surprised with what they found.
Most of the couples were still early in their marriages, and several expressed an interest to lose weight and/or exercise more. The researchers hypothesized that these discussions would be warm and affectionate, but that wasn’t the case at all.
“That’s not what we observed at all,” says Benjamin Karney, PhD, a UCLA psychology professor and the co-director of the Relationship Institute at UCLA. “Yes, couples were turning to each other for support, but their conversations went awry in more cases than not. The couples struggled to have these conversations, and they were as surprised as we were at how difficult it was.”
This revelation led Dr. Karney and his associate Thomas Bradbury, PhD, to write “Love Me Slender: How Smart Couples Team Up to Lose Weight, Exercise More, and Stay Healthy Together.” In the book, the authors who have studied close relationships for more than two decades, offer new solutions for couples trying to communicate about the emotionally charged issue of weight loss.
“Even couples who love each other have difficulty doing this effectively,” Dr. Karney says. “There are skillful ways to talk about physical appearance and attractiveness that may not come natural-ly to couples; that’s why we wrote this book.”
Helping couples succeed. Dr. Bradbury notes that couples who succeeded in those conversations provided each other with motivation, encouragement, and support. “They said things to each other like, ‘I love you and that’s not going to change, but I’m going to help you stay healthy and lose weight. We’ll work on this together.’”
A “low-risk lifestyle” includes not smoking, exercising regularly, maintaining a healthy weight, and eating a diet rich in fruits and vegetables. Unfortunately, less than 10 percent of Americans meet those criteria.
“If we live with our partner, then we share a kitchen with someone else,” Dr. Bradbury says. “So it makes sense that when one partner goes on a diet, the other partner often loses weight, too.” Similarly, Dr. Karney adds that when one partner exercises, the other is typically influenced to do so as well.
Weight and appearance are sensitive subjects for most couples because the topics are directly related to the question of whether partners still find each other attractive—and it can be a challenge to provide emotional support while lovingly and effectively criticizing each other.
“It’s a delicate balance,” notes Dr. Bradbury. “If your spouse says, ‘You look fantastic the way you are,’ the partner can think, ‘OK, then I’ll stay on the couch and eat more chips.’” This tends to result in mixed signals.
Relationships benefit when both partners are healthy. “When we exercise more and eat better, our moods improve,” Dr. Bradbury says. “We manage stress better; the quality of our sleep improves and we are mentally sharper; our sexual performance improves, and we become closer and more content in our relationship. After a while, you no longer think of yourself as being on a diet, and you start to identify yourself as a healthy couple.
“Your partner can be your conscience,” he adds. “When we’re alone, we may be unwilling to make sacrifices, but if we have someone we love who says, ‘We can have a great dessert on Saturday, but let’s go without a dessert during the week,’ we can use the strength both of us have to do the healthy thing. The trick is to do that in a way that respects your partner and is not threatening. It’s hard, but important, so why not turn to the person who loves you the most?”
Paradoxically, though, a good relationship can get in the way of couples taking care of themselves. Dr. Karney notes that one husband in the study simply did not want to exercise without his wife, even when she encouraged him to do so. “His desire for togetherness became an excuse not to do anything at all for his health,” he says.
“When we commit to a relationship or to a marriage, we commit long-term, often for a life-time,” Dr. Karney says. “Borrow a little of that kind of commitment and apply it to your own health and to a diet and exercise plan. The relationship helps us to think of the rewards of being healthy, and not just the ice cream you’re not eating.”
The post Couples Who Work as a Team are the Most Likely to Be Healthy appeared first on University Health News.
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