Let’s Talk About Sex
What’s essential for sexual satisfaction with partners doesn’t change all that much through the years. Communication remains paramount. But given that body parts may not work quite like they used to, creativity and a sense of humor enhance fun in the bedroom and wherever else the mood strikes.
“Sex doesn’t get any less important as we age,” says urologist Jesse Mills, director of the Men’s Clinic at UCLA. “Couples that remain sexual tend to live longer and be closer. One of the more gratifying aspects of my practice is to restore sexual intimacy in older couples so they can enjoy all aspects of their parternship.”
Benefits of a Healthy Sex Life
From a boost in mood and self-esteem to deepening the bond between you and your partner, sex has a long list of health benefits from physical to emotional and psychological to social. Kissing, touching, sex talk, and of course intercourse activate a variety of neurotransmitters in the brain and body that make you feel satisfied and happy. And there’s so more, such as:
- Better blood pressure. Several studies have shown that sexual intercourse lowers blood pressure. One study suggests that sex a couple of times a week can work as well as antihypertensive medications. But don’t stop taking meds without talking with your doctor first. Uncontrolled blood pressure can be dangerous.
- Higher libido. People who have enjoyable sex tend to have more of it and hence higher sexual desire.
- Defense against incontinence. Many women are familiar with Kegel exercises used to strengthen the pelvic floor muscles, which guards against incontinence. Sexual intercourse is nature’s workout for pelvic floor muscles. Orgasm also causes contractions and makes the muscles stronger.
- Lower stress. Physical intimacy triggers the release of oxytocin and other feel-good chemicals that stimulate the brain’s pleasure and reward system. This, in turn, boosts happiness and soothes stress and anxiety.
Finally, it’s probably no surprise to learn that people who had sex partners during the COVID-19 pandemic tended to fare better psychologically. An Italian study published in the January 2021 issue of the Journal of Sexual Medicine evaluated the impact of lockdowns and social distancing on relational and sexual health by conducting a web-based survey of 6,821 people with and without partnered sexual activity. People who had partnered sex during lockdowns reported lower psychological distress and better relational health. Furthermore, the authors wrote that sexual activity was protective against the quarantine-related wave of depression, anxiety, and relational issues. They suggest that sexual health be considered a fundamental and unique predictor in evaluating mental health.
Libido Boosters
On the flipside, too much togetherness can diminish desire amongst long-term couples. “One concern in many committed couples is that sex becomes too routine; same time, same position, same partner, and it becomes less thrilling,” says Dr. Mills. “Changing the time of day and the kind of sex you’re having allows you to keep it exciting and keep your partner! As always, communication is the best libido booster.”
In his book A Field Guide to Men’s Health, Dr. Mills offers several tips for keeping physical love alive. Among them is one you 
probably wouldn’t guess: To have more sex, men should do more housework. A study from Cornell University found that heterosexual couples who share household chores have sex more often compared with couples in which the woman does the bulk of the housework. Egalitarian couples have sex more often because they feel a greater sense of fairness in the relationship and higher satisfaction with its quality, according to the study’s coauthor, Sharon Sassler, PhD. “Couples who have a more equal division of labor seem to be happier, and that’s reflected in various ways, only one of which is sex,” she says.
Scheduling sex, as mundane as that might sound, can work wonders too, according to Dr. Mills. “You’ve created routines in other areas of your life, like mac and cheese Monday, taco Tuesday. Why not hump day Wednesday?” The initial hot and wild sex that sparked a relationship is bound to wane. Setting aside time for intimacy shows that you both value the benefits that physical love brings to your relationship.
Dr. Mills says the best time to talk about sex is outside the bedroom. Talk about a new sex position or sexual fantasy during a quiet dinner for two and then revisit the idea in the bedroom.
Finally, next time you think about just doing it yourself because you don’t want to bother your mate, reconsider. Dr. Mills warns about the desensitization that can happen when men masturbate too much. The same can hold true for women.
“Most women orgasm through clitoral stimulation,” he explains. “Women who rely on vibrators to achieve clitoral orgasm may have difficulty achieving orgasms with partners. But if they give their partner feedback on what improves their stimulation, or bring their partner in on the vibrator activity, they can have the best of both worlds.”
The post Let’s Talk About Sex appeared first on University Health News.
