In a doctor’s suspicion after a miscarriage, a glimpse of expanding medical mistrust
The idea that she might be pregnant hadn’t crossed Janneke Parrish’s mind. She used contraceptives and trusted them. Now, sitting on the examining table with the doctor telling her there were pregnancy hormones in her system, she panicked. She’d had nightmares about this. They emerged whenever she was stressed out, any and all worries transformed into her biggest worry, of becoming a mom against her will. Some parasite would be eating her from the inside, and she’d have no way to get it out. She’d be entrusted with some delicate being, and no matter how careful she was, it would shatter.
The doctor was saying something, asking something, but she couldn’t put words together. He must’ve led her toward a transvaginal ultrasound but her mind was elsewhere, on this thing inside of her. She fixated on it, tried to will it out. That was crazy, that wasn’t something she could control. She tried to focus on what she could. Would she drive to New Mexico? That was seven hours. Would she fly to California?
