How dads can help new mums: 9 essential tasks

Being a new dad can leave you feeling a bit at sea when mums are the ones who give birth and breastfeed. However, there are several important ways dads can help new mums.

We know that dads want to be involved. However, reviews of various studies tell us there are barriers preventing dads from being more hands-on. One barrier for fathers is insufficient preparation for fatherhood and not having enough information. Another is a lack of confidence in being a new dad. This lack of confidence can reduce the amount and the quality of time dads spend with their babies.

The more that dads can help new mums, the more dads learn, and their confidence increases. For example, a father who learned baby massage as part of a research study became far more comfortable in all aspects of his daughter’s care. He said: ‘If my wife had asked me to take [my daughter] out for forty-five minutes, I would say, “Are you crazy? She is still breastfed; I’m not going to do that.”’ “But now, I am a lot more willing to keep her for an hour.”

1.    Bringing water and food

New babies are hungry, and so are breastfeeding mums. Mums also get extremely thirsty – all that milk has to come from somewhere. Whenever mum sits down to feed bub, Dad can put a glass of water and a snack by her side. She might also appreciate a book or TV remote. Throughout the day, dads can help new mums tremendously by thinking ahead to the next meal. Plan to make lunch and get dinner going.

2.    Bathing and nappy changing

Mum is typically responsible for the milk that goes in the top end. But partners can take charge of what comes out the other end.

No matter the baby’s gender, every parent feels daunted the first time they change a nappy or bath baby. Being a new dad means learning many new skills, and like any skill, changing nappies and giving baths becomes instinctive after a few goes. Plus, these routines provide valuable chances to bond and exchange smiles.

3.    Skin to skin snuggles and baby wearing

Having skin-to-skin contact is calming and relaxing for both the baby and the parent. In addition, it helps regulate many of bub’s body’s functions, like their temperature and weight gain. So get comfy on the couch while the baby snuggles on your chest for ten minutes to half an hour.

Older babies can have skin-to-skin contact while dad wears them in a carrier, sling or wrap. Apart from the chance for skin-to-skin contact, baby-wearing is a fantastic choice whenever you’re working around the house, and it lets you connect with the baby while keeping your hands free.

4.    Massage

Another way dads can help new mums is by spending time calming the baby with an infant massage. Research reports that baby massage can help with their physical, emotional and social development. It can also help fathers and babies bond, partly by reducing the stress from an irritable little one. Our article on how to perform baby massage shows you how. But, of course, mum may appreciate a relaxing massage too.

5.    Talking, reading and singing

Some dads feel their job takes off when kids can talk and interact more. However, newborn babies listen too. Early play between fathers and babies links to positive social, emotional and cognitive outcomes, according to a 2020 review of this research. For example, talking, singing songs and reading stories to babies helps with their language development.

Are you stuck for something to read or sing? Refresh your memory of your favourite childhood songs. Go to your local library’s rhyme time. Read them a picture book, or even whatever you’re reading yourself. Narrate your day as you go about your business: “Now, I’m looking for your pants. Are they in this drawer?”

6.    Going for a walk

Another great use of the baby carrier or wrap is getting out and about. Unlike a stroller, there’s no worrying about navigating uneven ground or stairs.

You can time your walk for when bub is freshly fed. Mum can then have a proper rest without having half an ear listening out for the baby. Plus baby gets to enjoy new sights and sounds outdoors.

7.    Keeping the laundry basket empty and the fridge stocked

Being a new dad doesn’t just mean taking care of your little one. It also means taking a larger share of the domestic load. Mum needs time to recover from the birth and adjust to motherhood and its demands.

Don’t wait for someone to hand over a list. Instead, take the initiative and fire up the vacuum cleaner without prompting. Better still, sit down with your partner and write a list of the things you can take responsibility for and how often you need to do them.

8.    Taking leave and negotiating flexible working arrangements

When you book your paternity leave, consider how you can get the most benefit from your entitlement. Bear in mind that extended paternity leave could benefit your little one as well as your partner. A research study with more than 3,000 participants reported that fathers who take longer paternity leave spend more time on developmental tasks with their kids years later. These tasks include things like reading and playing with the children.

Apart from initial leave, have you discussed flexible working arrangements for the weeks – and years – after you return to work? Returning to ‘business as usual’ while being a new dad is not your only option anymore. You might change your start time or work part-time (see our article on preparing for fatherhood for some more possibilities). Dads can help new mums tremendously by simply being present for emotional and practical support.

9.    Providing words of encouragement

If you think it sounds trivial, don’t underestimate the benefit of encouragement. The transition to motherhood is not easy. In the face of conflicting advice from friends, family and experts, mums are never sure they’re doing it right. You can tell her you’re proud of her and that you’ll work through any hurdles together. The more confidence mum has in her abilities, the better she’ll function. Your explicit support can make a world of difference.

The essential way dads can help new mums

Finally, it’s worth pointing out that fathers are not expected to be mind readers, and every new mum is different. Plus, her needs change each day. So one of the most powerful things you can do for your partner? Ask: ‘What else can I do to help?’

Reference List

Pregnancy Birth and Beyond aims to keep you informed with the latest research-based information. You can check out the reference list that we used in the creation of this article.

Published on 16th December 2021