How to Navigate the Holiday Season with Less Stress and More Joyful Celebrations
As the days grow shorter, the temperatures drop, and Thanksgiving ushers in another holiday season, it can be a time of joyous celebration or the annual onset of anxiety and depression. If you find it harder to get into the “holiday spirit” than those around you or than you used to, you are not alone.
Surveys conducted by the American Psychological Association and the National Alliance for Mental Illness in recent years have consistently found that this time of year is associated with higher stress levels, increased feelings of loneliness and sadness, unrealistic expectations, and reflections on past holiday seasons that don’t measure up to those of today.
David Mischoulon, MD, PhD, director of the Depression Clinical and Research Program at Massachusetts General Hospital, says the triggers for depressive or anxious symptoms can come from just about anywhere. However, they are frequently related to missing family members and friends or mingling with others who don’t bring positive energy to the festivities.
“For the individual without very many friends or family connections, it can be a difficult time,” Dr. Mischoulon says. “They may not have anyone to spend the holidays with, and seeing other people enjoying themselves, leaving town to visit relatives, etc., can amplify feelings of loneliness and lead to sadness or even depressive or anxious feelings. Even people who have relatives and friends with whom to spend holiday time may actually find this stressful. This is particularly true in families that are large and/or may have individuals who have difficulty getting along.”
But there are other causes of the holiday blues, some of which may be avoided by finding a new perspective.
Pressure to Party
Whether it’s yet another feel-good holiday-themed television movie or even subtle pressure from your work colleagues, neighbors, or relatives, there can be an unmistakable sense that making merry is the only option at this time of year.
“Many people may feel pressured to do things or to have to enjoy themselves during the holidays, perhaps because they worry that their friends or coworkers may think there is something strange about them if they do not,” Dr. Mischoulon says. “This can lead to ‘pressure to have fun,’ so to speak, and there are people who even lie about their holiday plans in order not to draw attention to themselves.”
If you want or need to turn down an invitation to a holiday party or other event, it’s best to do so early and with as little explanation as possible. Making up excuses can trigger feelings of guilt, which may exacerbate any anxiety you’re already feeling. And if you feel you can confide in the person hosting an event, talking about why you don’t want to attend may be helpful. You can always offer to spend time with that person in a quieter atmosphere.
Coping with Loss
Because the holidays are so often linked with family get-togethers, the loss of a loved one is underscored with every day on the calendar. And for people who have a particularly traumatic loss, such as a spouse, child, or parent, the holidays can easily trigger feelings of grief. “If they were used to spending the holidays with their loved ones, the holidays then represent a reminder of their loss and become a reason for sadness rather than joy,” Dr. Mischoulon says.
Opting for a more toned-down holiday season may help you get through the season. But keep in mind that isolation carries its own set of emotional and psychological risks, so spending some time with one or more people who bolster your spirits can help.
COVID Complications
Like last year at this time, the COVID-19 pandemic continues to cast a shadow over the holiday season. Unlike last year, however, vaccinations are offering some level of protection and peace of mind. However, traveling and spending time in crowded, indoor settings, as well as navigating gatherings of vaccinated and unvaccinated people can still be challenging.
“Individuals who are in families or groups that include vaccinated and unvaccinated people need to make an additional set of decisions,” Dr. Mischoulon says. “What sort of physical contact etiquette—hugs, kisses, elbow bumping—is appropriate? The question about masking is also complicated. Because people have different views about masks, this could lead to conflicts in situations where there are both masked and unmasked people. Ideally, the host of the event should set some ground rules and inform all invitees in advance about them, so that each individual may decide for themselves whether they are comfortable with the rules, and thus determine whether or not to participate.”
Make It a Healthy Holiday Season
Regardless of how much or little you do this holiday season, it’s important not to neglect your health. “The holidays make people vulnerable to stress,” Dr. Mischoulon says. “There are also holiday-related lifestyle factors that may impact negatively on mood. These include increased use of alcohol and increased consumption of food, especially sweets at holiday parties in the workplace or in social settings. The cold weather in certain parts of the country may also make it harder for people to get out and exercise. A little bit of temperance here can help. Going easy on the alcohol, which can be a depressant, and moderating one’s diet is a good idea.”
Self-care is important all year round, but especially so in times when you’re feeling overwhelmed or vulnerable.
Beat the Blues
Wherever you are on the holiday blues spectrum, Dr. Mischoulon recommends starting the season by being honest with yourself. Acknowledge what (or who) brings you down or makes you upset. At the same time, think of the people and activities that bring you joy. Take stock of your feelings and share your concerns with trusted friends and family members.
“The key to managing holiday-related emotional issues is what Socratic wisdom proclaimed: ‘Know thyself,’” Dr. Mischoulon advises. “Each individual should figure out whether and what type of holiday activity may trigger them, and prepare in advance. For example, getting mentally prepared for a family get-together where they may be strife can be a good idea. If the individual has a therapist, talking it out with the therapist for a few weeks before the event can help the individual develop resilience and coping strategies for whatever issues may emerge, whether they are internal or external.”
And if you want to skip the celebrations and traditions altogether, that’s okay. “Above all, people should also give themselves permission to opt out of the holidays if they want to,” Dr. Mischoulon says. MMM
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